Make Love, Not War

June 11, 2007

Having stumbled across articles on this, had the US Air Force not confirmed the reports, I would have to think someone was pulling my leg. Imagine, a non-lethal weapon that would not only win wars for us on the battlefield, but fill our bathhouses too. What is this miracle weapon, you ask? Nothing short of the Gay Bomb, that’s what.

After you stop laughing, let me assure you this was actually considered at the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio in 1994. Money was actually sought to experiment and attempt to develop a “Gay Bomb.”

The intent was to release an aphrodisiac chemical that would provoke widespread homosexual behavior among troops, causing what the military called a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale by turning enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.

My apologies to any gays reading this, but my visions of this can’t be helped. Consider the homophobic nature of our current enemy, Islamofascists. Their belief calls for death to homosexuals. Turn them into little desert bound fudge packers and they are honor bound to kill each other, we won’t have to do it.

No more suicide bombers because they wouldn’t be interested in any 72 virgins waiting in heaven for them. They would be much too busy building bathhouses in the desert oasis’s instead of constructing bombs. Even funnier, imagine little Mahmoud Ahmadinejad bent over a camel somewhere as Moqtada al-Sadr’s bitch.

I also imagine cities like San Francisco, California; Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington would nearly be empty as our gays headed to the desert in search of ‘new horizons.’

Of course, the ACLU and Democrat party would instantly move to classify terrorists now as just another “alternative lifestyle” embracing them even more than they now do.

Osama Bin Laden, in hiding somewhere, would most likely not be affected by the “Gay Bomb” and would undoubtedly be forced to institute a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for Al Qaeda. Then, if enough bombs were released, they would have to rename themselves ‘Al Gayda.’

Of course, we might have had to face an even deadlier threat had the bomb ever been developed and deployed, Muslim Women! There would be no men for them and I’m sure that would make them really cranky. If they were cranky enough and on their periods, our Troops would face an enemy hell bent on revenge and fierce. You know about ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’

Other bombs considered that could have been used in conjunction with the “Gay Bomb,” were the ‘halitosis’ bomb. This could have left the enemy really frustrated as they would be irresistably attracted to each other, but unable to be near each other due to severe bad breath.

They also considered what they dubbed as the "Who? Me?" bomb. This one was to simulate flatulence (farting, for those of you in Rio Linda), but I imagine that wouldn’t really disturb the Terrorists much, smelling that way already.

The possibilities, ramifications and yes, jokes, are endless.

Think about how ridiculous that at one time, in 1994, $7.5 million was actually asked for to develop such a bomb.

Since this was considered during the Clinton administration and knowing now the stance they took on sexual matters, perhaps this is the secret weapon in Hillary’s war chest she intends to use to win the White House. We better watch out for those Black helicopters now.

Lew